She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
