I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
