yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
