i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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