woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
