I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
