chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
