I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
