you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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