Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
