Apparently you make a good broom.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
