like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I sprained my soul last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
