sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize