I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
