Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize