ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i came on her dog
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
