I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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