i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
