I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
