If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
