i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
