haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
