I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
