He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
