I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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