i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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