she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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