I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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