Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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