Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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