i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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