WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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