we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sober January is a disaster.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
