Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
