You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
