May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
