I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
