This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize