I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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