Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
