normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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