she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
