she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
