Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
