You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
