Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
