Me. At least after what I've been through.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize