Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
