I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
