Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
