The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
