She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
