did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
