Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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