the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
