Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
