take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We left the knife in your bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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