just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
