It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
