Your face is a jimmy john
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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