Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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