i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
