I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize