marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How's work?
Spinning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
