Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
