so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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