girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
