Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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