That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
