They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
