That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
