Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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