The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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