Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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