I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
