Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize