It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
