why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
