What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
