Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I still have a little drunk in my system
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
