His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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