When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
