I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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