I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
