So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
