drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
