Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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