Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
