We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
