Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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