I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
