Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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