I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
