I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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