addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
