did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize