some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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