I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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