I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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