I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
