I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Are we still banned from the library?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
